2 posts tagged “family”
I am really not keeping up with the whole 'blog whore' or whatever term describes a whore of blogs, but i am trying my best to at least think about posting. Which counts in a backwards way.
So today boys and and girls (of my invisible readership), lets talk about families.
I have never thought to myself, that family is a huge important thing, emotionally so to speak, because well, i wouldn't be typing this if it wasn't for the continued financial support of family. Regardless, i don't consider myself to have that big of a family, through experience and circumstance more than actual thought about it all. But now i come to think of it, i do have quite an "average" family, most of it came together in my teens, and i suppose i still look for that dramatic "oh i only have my nan and mum". When in reality i have a lot more.
On my mum's side, i have 4 uncles, a grandmother/step-grandfather, a step father, 2 step sisters, 3 half sisters.
On my dad's side, i have 1 aunt, a grandmother/grandfather, a step mother, 2 half sisters.
Now, regardless of how much i actually socialise or deal with any of these is another matter, but at least i am clear when i say to myself that i do actually have substantial family. For example, a family tree would be full of fruit, and not empty and fruitless, so to speak.
Anyway, the point is that relationships with family members can be tough, and will always be tough, not neccessarily because all relationships if it be family, friends or random members of the public that you happen to deal with/bump in to/shout "WANKER!" at as you pass by, but because with family, you can't just walk away. You can stop being friends with someone, but you can't stop being family with someone.
When you see in the movies, or read in books or some dramatic story from a friend about a friend's friend who had a bad childhood, that their parents 'disowned' them, it's really a meaningless phrase. Because you can't disown something, that technically you never actually 'owned'. Ok, well i am now confusing myself, let alone my invisible and non-exsistent readership i'm sure. But the bottom line is as follows ;
You can stop being friends with someone, or walk away from a sitation with person x, but you cannot so easily walk away from, or even stop being family with a family member. Because, regardless of if you choose to ignore it or not, they are still family. No matter how you look at it, all feelings aside, you cannot change that the same blood/genes/bullshit runs through your viens.
I never really met or got to know my biological father until i was about 13, even then for the 10 years since then, there have been times where i have hardly spoken to him, seen him less than once or twice a year and as for the rest of the family on that side, i'm not even sure of names sometimes, let alone aunts, uncles and cousins. Yet i still have traits and looks of my father, even though i never grew up with the guy in my life.
Do i feel anything against him because of the lack of involvment in my life? Maybe, i honestly don't know or even think about it most of the time because its just never come up, but regardless of such, he's still my dad.
And that brings us to today's point, when you disagree, or argue with family. Remember that they are your family, and how easy it is, after a bad conversation or whatever, to just pick up the phone, write a letter, write an email and just start fresh and get on with your lives.
Because for better or worse, they are still your family and as full of hatred you can be to some members of your family, when it comes down to it, they are part of you. And there's nothing you can do about it.
You know, when you sit down with yourself and you think, "Ok, your 22 years old, your living in your grandparent's house in Sweden, a country that you really dislike (not hate, but dislike to the extreme) because of a failed year in your academic, work and love life, what are you gonna do to solve all this?"
Ultimatly, i don't know. But i think it is time to at least set out some goals, so at least i can say to myself in 6 months when hopefully i look back on this post, i can say that i did something off that list, completed some of those things and achieved what i set out to achieve.
So as i said, here i am in Sweden a place that basically has become my refuge from the real world, where quite openly i state that i am here to recover and recouperate from the events of this previous year. I suppose as well, this whole thing ties in with the typical end of the year/new year's resolutions.
I think that's right anyway.
Recently, i quit playing World of Warcraft, i'm quite glad to be honest too. After having played MMOs and online games for the past 5 years, it really is a breath of fresh air to be free from it all. Although it certainly opens my eyes to a lot of things, if they be how important the "real world" is and how important the online world can be also. Probably not the same amount of importance, but important enough that you should give a shit to both equally.
There are some people i have met, online, that i don't think i would replace, experiences and times that just like travelling across the world, are as breathtaking and monumental in personal development. But anyway, i think thats something i need to delve into another time, sit back and recount the stories, times, friends and put them on the shelf as memories. I can quite happily say that that chapter of my life is closed and it's now time for a fresh start.
So ok, what do i want to do?
I want to get back to London, 6 months away so far and its 6 months too long. In retrospect i could i think, have stayed. Maybe it would have not been the easiest thing in the world, but it might have been the best thing now, considering that i am going back anyway. I am a London boy, and should have stayed there.
Seriously, how could i have been so stupid!
Christmas is coming, my best friend from London is coming over for Christmas, so i guess really when he comes over we can start thinking about ways for me to come back over, ways for me to get my foot in the door. I suppose really i should talk to my dad as he is obviously still in London and at some point will have to break the news to my mum.
Bah, i should have made this a more inspiring post, with thought provoking pictures and images of stuff to lighten the mood.
But really, i don't think the mood could be more light, i am going back to London and nothing can stop me. It is my home, where i was born, grew up, and lived the first 22 years of my life, i don't see any reason that anything should change that.
